My Full Story
The Day Everything Changed
On January 3rd, 2024, my entire world fell apart.
My incredible husband, Neville, had a stroke and collapsed on our bedroom floor.
The trauma that followed was indescribable.
Our almost four-year-old son witnessed everything and sat on the bed watching me call 911.
Our two teenage girls saw their dad lying on the floor and watched as the paramedics carried him out on a stretcher and took him away in an ambulance.
I frantically called friends to take us to the hospital. I don’t have my driver’s licence in Canada yet, so I couldn’t drive.
I had to make the horrible calls back home to our families in South Africa.
It turned out Neville had a very aggressive, extremely rare brain tumor.
There were no obvious signs before this happened.
For an entire month, he fought HARD. His medical team fought HARD.
After multiple surgeries and invasive procedures, we were told the tumor was simply too aggressive and that there wasn’t anything more they could do.
I watched my soulmate, my best friend, the love of my life, fade away.
He passed away peacefully exactly one month later, on February 3rd.
Our lives were changed forever.
Why am I sharing this here on my blog?
I started this blog years ago when I first became certified as a Law of Attraction practitioner.
In the years that followed, I immersed myself in the universal laws, quantum physics, neuroscience, epigenetics, and manifestation.
My dream has always been to help others manifest the life of their dreams.
Neville and I manifested seemingly impossible things throughout our marriage — repeatedly.
He shared this dream with me, and at the end of last year we had a full plan mapped out for 2024:
an online course, e-books, freebies, a full website revamp, physical products — the works.
We were so excited.
But finding joy and positivity in the midst of intense grief is hard.
Actually, at first, it feels impossible.
Still… Neville would have hated to see me give up.
He would’ve hated for me to abandon our shared dream.
He would want nothing but a joyful, magical life for our amazing kids.
So, I will be sharing our journey — the good days and the bad —
and how the kids and I are finding ways to move through this shattering tragedy while trying to focus on a hopeful future.
And who knows… maybe our story will help someone else going through their own losses.
I’ll start with this:
The past is done, and the future isn’t here yet.
There is only NOW — and everything can change in a heartbeat.
So live NOW.
Show your people how much you love and appreciate them NOW.
Eat the ice cream. Burn the special candle.
And most importantly — breathe.
The First Few Weeks After
“Grief doesn’t feel like sadness — it feels like being rewritten from the inside.”
Grief is not what you think it is.
It isn’t just crying.
It isn’t just memories.
It isn’t even sadness.
It’s forgetting how to eat.
It’s looking at your children and feeling both strong and terrified.
It’s feeling guilty for breathing.
It’s feeling angry at the universe.
It’s waking up at 3am wondering how this is your life.
It’s wanting him back so badly it hurts to stand.
And then… there are moments of numbness so deep you wonder if you’ll ever feel again.
I felt all of that. Every layer of it.
And still — life asked me to show up.
For my kids.
For my home.
For myself.
Even when I didn’t want to.
The Moment Hope Walked Back In
One night, sitting at my kitchen counter with a glass of wine and puffy eyes,
I wrote a single sentence in my journal:
“If I can survive this, I can create anything.”
What’s strange is…
deep down, I already knew that was true.
I had been studying manifestation, the Universal Laws, neuroscience, quantum physics, and belief work for seventeen years.
I understood how powerful the mind is.
I understood how identity shapes reality.
I understood how emotions affect the body.
I understood how to shift into a new self-concept.
But nothing — absolutely nothing — prepares you to apply that wisdom when your entire world has been ripped apart.
It’s one thing to teach manifestation when life is good.
It’s another thing to practice it
while grieving, shaking, numb, and broken open.
That sentence became my anchor.
Over the next months, I practiced the tiniest acts of healing:
breathing,
journaling,
talking to my future self,
visualizing tiny sparks of hope,
letting myself want something again,
and slowly rebuilding my belief system — one shaky thought at a time.
It wasn’t linear.
It wasn’t easy.
It wasn’t pretty.
But it was real.
And slowly…
quietly…
I began to rise.
How Grief Led Me Back to Manifestation
“I didn’t lose my ability to manifest — I learned how to manifest while broken open.”
Before my husband died, I taught manifestation.
I believed wholeheartedly in the Law of Assumption.
I practiced visualization.
I studied the science behind belief — quantum physics, neural pathways, identity work.
But suddenly, everything I knew was being tested in the most painful way imaginable.
I didn’t manifest my husband’s illness.
I didn’t attract tragedy.
Grief is not a punishment or a spiritual failure.
But what I did learn was this:
Manifestation isn’t about pretending everything is fine.
It’s about choosing who you become next — even while your heart is breaking.
Grief forced me into the deepest identity shift of my life.
It stripped away every illusion, every belief I thought I understood, and brought me face-to-face with myself.
And in that raw, fragile place…
I discovered something extraordinary:
I could grieve and manifest.
I could cry and choose hope.
I could feel lost and build a future.
I could honor my pain and create beauty from it.
This is where my work truly transformed —
where manifestation became softer, more compassionate, more honest.
This is where my new method was born:
Manifestation for the Brave-Hearted
A way of rising while your heart is still healing.
A way of creating your next chapter without bypassing your pain.
A way of becoming — even through grief.
Where Miracles & Merlot Came From
I started Miracles & Merlot years ago — long before Neville died — back when manifestation, joy, and mindset work were simply passions I loved sharing.
I had no idea how much this little blog would one day become a lifeline.
A sanctuary.
A place for healing, grieving, rising, and remembering who I am.
One night, months after losing Neville, I poured myself a glass of wine and stood alone in my kitchen.
I looked at the glass and thought:
Wine starts as something ordinary… and through pressure, time, and transformation… it becomes something beautiful.
And it hit me —
so do we.
Miracles & Merlot was never meant to be about drinking. (Yes, I do love wine, but this is not what this is all about)
It was always about alchemy.
Turning pain into wisdom.
Turning heartbreak into purpose.
Turning grief into gold.
Miracles = hope, possibility, divine timing.
Merlot = transformation, depth, becoming.
I didn’t know when I created this name that it would one day define my own journey…
but now it feels like Neville’s gentle nudge saying:
“Keep going. Keep creating.
You were meant for this.”
This brand was born from love.
Reborn through loss.
And rebuilt with courage.
What I Know Now
“You don’t need to be healed to create a beautiful life — you just need one brave breath at a time.”
Grief doesn’t mean your story is over.
It doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It doesn’t mean your future is gone.
It doesn’t mean you failed spiritually.
It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
What I know now is this:
You can hurt and still heal.
You can cry and still manifest.
You can miss someone and still love your life again.
You can be shattered and still become whole.
Grief changed me.
It softened me, broke me open, rebuilt me, and reshaped every belief I ever held.
But it also showed me something extraordinary:
You don’t need to be “healed” to create a beautiful life.
You just need to be willing to take one brave breath at a time.
You don’t need to have it all together.
You don’t need to be fearless.
You don’t need to pretend you’re okay.
You just need to be willing to rise — even if your hands are shaking.
That’s what I know now.
And it’s what I want every woman walking through grief to know too.
Why I Share My Story
I share my story because if you’ve found your way here,
you’re probably navigating something heavy too.
Maybe you’re grieving.
Maybe you’re starting over.
Maybe life feels unbearably hard right now.
Maybe you’re trying to hold your family together while your heart quietly breaks.
Maybe you’ve forgotten how strong you really are.
I want you to know this:
You’re not alone.
You’re not failing.
You’re not broken.
And you are not behind.
You are grieving.
You are healing.
You are rising — even if you don’t feel it yet.
I share my story because grief can make you feel invisible.
Because heartbreak can make you feel like you’re the only one drowning.
Because the world moves on even when your heart hasn’t caught up.
I share it so you have a place to land.
A place to breathe.
A place to be seen.
A place to remember that even in the darkest chapters,
your story still has miracles waiting.
And if my journey helps even one person feel less alone,
then sharing it is worth everything.
“You are grieving. You are healing. You are rising — even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.”
Start Your Next Chapter With the Gentle 5-Minute Ritual
This soft, simple practice is designed to reconnect you with your Future Self —
the version of you who is grounded, hopeful, and ready for her next chapter.
If you’ve been feeling lost or overwhelmed, start here.
Just five minutes a day can begin to shift everything.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re ready for a deeper, more intimate journey through grief, healing, love, and identity —
you can explore the book I wrote while navigating the hardest chapter of my life.
It’s part memoir, part healing companion, part science and part reminder that even in the darkest moments…
you are never alone, and your story is far from over.
If you’re in the darkest chapter of your life…
I’m holding your hand.
You are not done yet.
Your story still has miracles waiting.